Work Wasn’t the Problem. I am.

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I have come to realize that I only operate at two speeds - on or off…

There does not seem to be much of an in-between.

It is a lot of all-or-nothing kind of thinking. I’ve learned this is a common thought pattern in ADHD, which I was diagnosed with last year. I’ve always been interested in how our minds work, starting back with taking AP psychology in high school and then majoring in psychology when I went to college. I still read a lot about psychology and the brain.

When I saw a book called “The Brain at Rest: How the Art and Science of Doing Nothing Can Improve Your Life” by Joseph Jebelli, PhD, I knew I’d end up reading it. There are so many books focused on topics like habits and productivity that I used to read thinking I needed to get more done with the time I had… but it turns out the thing I’ve been missing is rest.

When I took some off between full-time corporate life and getting Alchemy up and running, I discovered that my inability to rest while I was working wasn’t really due to working… even when I had more time, I wasn’t resting in a way that was restorative.

Work wasn’t the problem. I am.

Back in 2001, neurologist Marcus Raichle discovered that parts of the brain actually light up when we stop doing demanding tasks. More active at rest than when focused - the default network. I have problems activating my default network. You can think of the default network as the rest network. Its opposite is the executive or work network. Both are important and too much of either one isn’t great, but society at large today glorifies overwork of the executive network. It is more challenging to spend time with our default network in the modern world, to our detriment, which Jebelli does a great job of illustrating throughout the book.

I know I’m not the first to write about it, and while we all relate to the human element of this, we also need to remember to see it through to all aspects of our lives, including work. Especially if we are running our own business. When you are responsible for the whole thing, it feels impossible to slow down or stop at times. We push ourselves through everything we can… until we can’t. Not only is that often antithetical to why we work for ourselves, but it is detrimental to our physical and mental health.

Jebelli describes the discomfort of doing nothing as “unnatural, like I’m wearing someone else’s clothes” (pg. 51). There is great irony in the fact that we have so many modern conveniences that should theoretically make life easier for us to rest, but these conveniences actually end up making us feel the opposite.

It is tough to remember that input does not always equal output.

For me, this has shown up when I send a colleague the wrong version of a file. That then leads me to question whether the file is any good or if it is full of errors and bad assumptions, sometimes spiraling to question my competence.

I used to think this was a confidence issue, but I’m realizing that it is a thinking issue. I can be so burnt out and overworked that I am operating at a fraction of what I am able to. When you are the one running the business, can you afford to be working at a fraction of what you are capable of?

While I’ve learned that some of my task avoidance is driven by ADHD, this book also makes me realize that sometimes it’s driven by the exhaustion that comes with insufficient rest. Why would I want to make social media posts, go to networking events, or have discovery calls when I can’t even send the right file?

If I am not doing any of these things, how can I expect to attract clients and be profitable? That’s not hypothetical. That is a real question with real consequences.

I don’t have this figured out. But my instinct, as always, is to search for answers through reading. Which is exactly how this book ended up in my hands.

So, how does one learn to actually rest? It turns out that it is more accessible than I thought.

One method is mind wandering (also known as daydreaming). Jebelli mentions a technique called positive construction daydreaming (PCD), where you essentially make yourself daydream intentionally… like thinking about what your fictional world would be like if you wrote your own fantasy novel… not that I’ve ever done that.

Another is through play, which I find incredibly hard to do, but also one of the most restorative. This one tends to be easier for me to fall into spontaneously, like when I make up a song to help get my kiddo moving at bedtime. I even made up a song for one of her toys when she was a baby, and that somehow still brings a smile to my face (and I sometimes still sing it to her).

The Dutch have a word for the art of doing nothing - niksen. This is something I have tried many times and am just not good at. My brain goes a million miles per hour, and while I outwardly look like I am resting, trust me, I am not. A suggestion to help with this is to do something easy and automatic, such as knitting or doing a jigsaw puzzle. I can sit for hours with a jigsaw puzzle, and maybe this is why. I am always in a better mood after spending some time on a puzzle. I also recently took up crocheting… probably a new ADHD hyper-fixation.

These are just three of the ways Jebelli explores. The book goes much deeper into each one and several others, and I’d recommend reading it to anyone who recognizes themselves in any of this.

Final Thoughts

Reading this book doesn’t fix the issue, but it named something that I’ve been carrying very deep inside for a very long time. Therapy taught me that naming something is the first step in changing it.

If you have trouble resting, I hope you’ve also named something for yourself. And I really hope that we teach ourselves how to rest so we can model it for our children. So they don’t grow up trapped in the same cage we inherited… and that society continues to reinforce.

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About Me

I’m Tara, founder of Alchemy Advising, a consulting practice that helps small and mid-sized businesses grow with clarity, confidence, and a lot less chaos.

This blog is where I share reflections on entrepreneurship, ambition, motherhood, and the magic (and mess) of building something meaningful—one decision at a time.

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